Domestic violence affects all types of people in all types of situations and life circumstances, and that includes members of the LGBTQ+ community.
LGBTQ+ refers to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and any other queer identities. The term “queer” encompasses any identity that is non-heterosexual.
It is important to recognize that domestic violence (violence between intimate partners) can occur in all types of relationships. It is also important to recognize that unique power and control dynamics are present specifically in same sex or queer relationships, and that LGBTQ+ survivors face additional barriers as compared to heterosexual survivors.
Here are some things to know:
- An additional power & control dynamic in queer relationships is “outing” or threatening to reveal one partner’s sexual orientation/gender identity
- Transgender victims are more likely to experience domestic violence in public, compared to those who do not identify as transgender
- Prior experiences of physical or psychological trauma, such as bullying and hate crime, might make LGBTQ+ victims less likely to seek help
- People who identify as transgender are more likely to experience threats or intimidation, harassment, and police violence within a violent relationship
- In a study of male same sex relationships, only 26% of men called the police for assistance after experiencing near-lethal violence
Barriers to assistance:
- Legal definitions of domestic violence that exclude same-sex couples
- The lack ofLGBTQ+-specific or LGBTQ+-friendly resources, and/or lack of awareness of those resources
- Potential homophobia from service providers or from non-LGBTQ+ survivors with whom they may interact
- Low confidence in the sensitivity and effectiveness of law enforcement officials and courts for LGTBQ+ people
What can YOU do about these issues, you ask?
Check yourself.
It is easy to use homophobic behaviors and language without realizing it, even if we don’t feel like we’re doing it, and even if we have LGBTQ+ friends.
- Refrain from saying anything that discriminates or undermines LGBTQ+ folks – such as “that’s so gay” or “it’s just a phase.” These are examples of small phrases that are derogatory and/or undermining to someone’s identity. Recognize that experiences beyond your own are valid!
- Be sure that you’re not assuming others’ sexual orientation or gender identity. Wait for them to share that information with you if they choose to do so.
- If you work for an agency or company that requires clients to fill out paperwork – create space for folks to identify their preferred pronouns and sexual orientation.
Check others.
If you hear someone engaging in hate speech or violent behavior towards an LGBTQ+ individual or the LGBTQ+ community as a whole – call it out if you feel safe to do so. Saying things like “that wasn’t okay to say,” “that is hurtful to many people,” “that makes me uncomfortable,” or “that’s insensitive” can be a good place to start.
Provide a non-judgmental listening ear.
If someone discloses their experience to you – listen and believe them. You do not have to fix the problem, but you can help the person find and access appropriate resources (like the Rose Andom Center!) Always remind them that their experience is valid, and they deserve the same resources as everyone else.
Educate yourself and others.
Feel like there’s something you want to know more about? Do your homework. The internet is full of wonderful resources, including these:
Glossary of LGBTQ+ terminology: https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/glossary
Talking with kids about LGBTQ+ issues: https://www.hrc.org/resources/talking-with-kids-about-lgbt-issues
General educational information about LGBTQ+ people/terminology/issues/advocacy: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/
Sources: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Intimate-Partner-Violence-and-Sexual-Abuse-among-LGBT-People.pdf; https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/domestic-violence-and-the-lgbtq-community