How to Support a Loved One

The Rose Andom Center accepts walk-in, in-person, and phone appointments during our regular business hours.

9:00 am-5:00 pm Monday–Thursday (last walk-in accepted at 4:00 pm)

9:00 am-12:00 pm on Fridays (last walk-in accepted at 11:00 am).

Supporting a Loved One Experiencing Domestic Violence or Sexual Assault

Learning that someone you care about may be experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault can be overwhelming. You may feel unsure of what to say or how to help. The most important thing you can do is let them know they are not alone.

Many survivors avoid telling anyone about what they are experiencing because they fear they won’t be believed, worry about being judged, or are concerned about what will happen if the person causing harm finds out. Your support can make a meaningful difference.

Every survivor’s experience is unique. Abuse is about power and control, and leaving an abusive relationship is often the most dangerous time for a survivor. Rather than trying to “rescue” them or pressure them into making a specific decision, focus on empowering them to make the choices that feel safest for them.

Start the Conversation

If you are concerned about someone, choose a private, safe time to talk. Let them know you’ve noticed changes or behaviors that concern you and that you care about them.

You might say:

“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I’m concerned about you.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone.”
“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”
“How can I support you?”

Listen Without Judgment

One of the greatest gifts you can offer is simply listening.

Allow them to share at their own pace.
Believe what they tell you.
Validate their feelings and experiences.
Avoid interrupting or questioning why they stayed or why they didn’t leave sooner.
Let them know you appreciate them trusting you.

Remember that abuse often causes survivors to question themselves. Being believed can be incredibly powerful.

Respect Their Choices

Domestic violence and sexual assault take away a person’s sense of control. Supporting a survivor means helping them regain that control.

Even if you disagree with their decisions:

Don’t pressure them to leave.
Don’t give ultimatums.
Don’t make decisions for them.
Respect that they know their situation better than anyone else.

Your role is to support, not to rescue. Survivors are the experts in their own lives.

Avoid Victim Blaming

Avoid questions or statements that suggest the abuse was their fault, such as:

“Why don’t you just leave?”
“What did you do to make them angry?”
“I would never stay in that situation.”

These comments can increase shame and make it less likely that someone will seek help.

Instead, remind them:

It is not your fault.
You did nothing to deserve this.
Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
You deserve to feel safe.
I believe you.
I am here for you.

Offer Practical Support

Sometimes practical help can make a significant difference. Ask what would be most helpful instead of assuming.

You may be able to:

Help them identify trusted friends or family members who can support them.
Offer transportation to appointments or services.
Go with them to meet with an advocate, attorney, or healthcare provider if they would like company.
Help them locate resources in the community.
Store copies of important documents or an emergency bag if they request it.
Assist with documenting incidents of abuse, but only with their permission.

Help Keep Them Safe

If the person causing harm is monitoring your loved one’s phone, email, or social media, be mindful about how you communicate.

Avoid posting their location or sharing information online that could unintentionally reveal where they are or who they are with. Always ask permission before contacting others or sharing information about their situation.

Resources

If your loved one is ready, encourage them to connect with professional support. You can also contact these organizations yourself for guidance on how to best support someone experiencing abuse.

Rose Andom Center
- (720) 337-4400
SafeHouse Denver
- 303-318-9989 – 24/7 crisis and information line
National Domestic Violence Hotline
- 800-799-SAFE (7233) – 24/7 crisis line

Remember

You cannot “fix” the situation or make decisions for your loved one. What you can do is listen, believe them, respect their choices, and remind them that they deserve safety, healing, and support.

Your continued presence, patience, and compassion may become one of the strongest sources of support they have.

Learn More

For additional guidance on supporting someone experiencing domestic violence or sexual assault, visit: