As a survivor of domestic violence and coercive control, I know firsthand how overwhelming it can feel to consider reporting abuse to law enforcement.
For many victim/survivors, this is not a simple decision. It is layered with fear, grief, confusion, and the very real concern that they may not be believed or protected in the way they hope.
What I want victim/survivors to understand is this: reporting is often not just about the immediate outcome. It is about creating a record. It is about strategy. It is about documenting your lived experience in a way that can support your safety and future, regardless of what happens next.
At Fortitude and Flourish, we believe knowledge and preparation are powerful forms of support.
Before anything else, your safety matters most.
If there is immediate danger, call emergency services right away.
If the situation is not an emergency, take time to think through a safety plan before making a report. This may include finding a safe place to stay, letting a trusted friend or advocate know what is happening, gathering important documents, and considering what support children may need.
Reporting can sometimes escalate risk, so it is important to think strategically and make choices that support your immediate wellbeing.
One of the most important frameworks I share with the victim/survivors I coach is radical acceptance.
This means accepting that reporting to law enforcement may not always result in the response we want.
There may not be an arrest. There may not be immediate action. There may not be validation from the system.
And still, it matters.
A police report creates a paper trail.
It becomes part of the larger strategy of documenting your experience and building a record over time.
This can be incredibly important in divorce, custody, coparenting, protection order proceedings, or future legal matters where a documented history helps establish patterns of abuse and coercive control.
Sometimes the report is less about what happens that day and more about what it supports later.
That documentation matters, regardless of outcome.
When speaking with law enforcement, try to stay grounded in facts, behaviors, and patterns. It is often helpful to bring a support person or advocate.
Share:
If possible, use specific language and direct quotes.
For example:
“He told me no one would believe me and threatened to make sure I lost the children if I spoke up.”
Patterns are especially important in cases involving coercive control.
Often the abuse is not one isolated event. It may include intimidation, stalking, financial control, threats through the children, surveillance, manipulation during legal proceedings, or repeated efforts to destabilize and silence.
Helping third parties understand the pattern can make a meaningful difference.
Whenever it is safe to do so, document your experience.
This may include:
The goal is to create a clear record of your reality.
You do not have to do this alone.
Often, victim/survivors are best supported when they work with third parties who can help them organize their experience and communicate clearly with law enforcement, attorneys, courts, and other systems.
This might include an advocate, attorney, therapist, coach, or victim navigator.
Part of my work is helping victim/survivors prepare to be best understood and best believed by the systems they are navigating.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and coercive control and now coach victim/survivors navigating legal proceedings, divorce, and coparenting matters.
I serve as a LINC Navigator with RMVL, an Enrollment Specialist with the Address Confidentiality Program of Colorado, The founder of Fortitude & Flourish, and sit on the VOICES Board with the Rose Andom Center.
Through Fortitude and Flourish, I support victim/survivors in growing their support networks, documenting their experiences strategically, and moving through complex systems with clarity and confidence.
If you or someone you love may benefit from support, I invite you to schedule a 15 minute complimentary connection call to learn more about how to report, document your experience, and work with third parties in a way that helps your story be best believed and understood.
https://calendly.com/fortitudeandflourish/holistic-coaching-complimentary-discovery-call
Reporting is not only about what law enforcement does.
Sometimes it is about honoring your truth, creating a record, and taking one strategic step toward safety and clarity.
Your voice matters.
Your documentation matters.
Your experience matters
The Rose Andom Center will be closed on Tuesday, March 31. We will reopen on Wednesday, April 1.
If you need support during this time, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or SafeHouse Denver’s crisis line at 303-318-9989
Aviso de Cierre por Día Festivo
El Rose Andom Center estará cerrado el martes 31 de marzo. Volveremos a abrir el miércoles 1 de abril.
Si necesita apoyo durante este tiempo, comuníquese con la Línea Nacional de Violencia Doméstica al 800-799-SAFE (7233) o a la línea de crisis de SafeHouse Denver al 303-318-9989
